Detachment Issues (stemming from 'System Insertion')

As someone who has been through the foster care system, I can say with confidence that I can at least relate to the feelings and motions of detachment and disconnection that often accompany it. System insertion – the process of uprooting a child’s life and placing them within a new environment – is an incredibly emotional experience and can be difficult to process, both mentally and emotionally. For me, the feelings of detachment and the resulting struggles to form meaningful relationships were some of the most difficult obstacles to overcome in my journey through the foster care system.

One of the most heartbreaking and isolating moments I faced during my time in the foster care system happened shortly after I was placed in my new home. I had been expected to reform my identity If I were to try and adapt with my new environment. Unfortunately, my identity crisis continued throughout my late teenage years, this struggle of self-identity has contributed to depression and low self-esteem – I became a very self-conscious person. No matter how hard I tried to agree with the environment around me, I still didn’t feel fully committed, acknowledged, or attached. Even throughout my constant re-attempts, I still felt a deep sense of detachment from certain crowds; as if the rapport already ended when it began.

My feelings of detachment even extended to my former family. Throughout my time in the foster care system, I was able to stay in contact with my birth family. But despite my best efforts, I still found it hard to relate to them, almost as if I no longer belonged. I was no longer a part of their life and in the long run, this detachment from my former family left me feeling painfully rejected. Being put into was the best course of action, but I couldn’t help but feel already departed even throughout the visits. It was just something I had to do, ticked box off the list.

The Overcoming

One thing that helped me overcome the feelings of detachment was getting to know the other children in care. As time went on, I started to feel like a more comfortable member of my family unit, realising it was a common enough mishap and I wasn’t an “odd case”. I felt comfortable enough to be open and honest with each other and talk about the challenges we were facing within the system. Through forming these relationships, my foster family became a source of strength and support for me, and we were able to build lasting relationships of trust and understanding.

Getting to know my foster parents as they were in new foster home, was a huge step in helping me to work through the feelings of detachment I was experiencing. They were going to be the ones held solely responsible for my upbringing after all. However, that was only the beginning of my journey. What really made the difference was learning to accept the changes in my life and embrace with hope the experience I was going through. Knowing that I was in a safe and caring environment went a long way in improving my attitude and allowing me to accept the reality of my situation. When I look back on my time in the foster care system, I think about the feelings of detachment and loneliness that are an all-too-common experience for many of the children within it. Learning to accept the changes in my life and form meaningful relationships with those around me was difficult but necessary steps towards healing my emotional wounds. I am now in a much better place, and I will always remember the lessons I learned in the foster care system and the invaluable support and understanding of those that helped me make it through.

Much love,

Josh