A Sense of Belonging

Creating a sense of belonging is essential for our well-being. It helps us to feel safe, secure, and confident to explore our world and take risks. It allows us to build meaningful connections and relationships with those around us. We may feel like we don’t quite fit in anywhere, or struggle to connect with those around us, however, it is only through understanding our own identity that we can truly develop a sense of belonging….

For me to understand what it means to create a sense of belonging, I find it helpful to start by recognizing my contribution in my community, my own needs, values, and identity. Taking the time to be introspective and acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses for me, is one way I form a strong sense of self. It’s a journey that can be daunting, but it is one that is filled with rewards. [Growing up as a kid, I had high hopes to fit in the rural society around me, even though I didn’t 100% feel comfortable in our own skin (I was an outlier). But unfortunately, those high hopes sunk, and it took me a while to understand that it required comprising my own values and identity to fit in. Validation tends to be the root of compromising and since my own preferences and values to others were a no-go, it implied I had to compromise, that is if we were to continue seeing eye to eye. There is no joy when it comes to picking preferences and values with others rather than sharing them instead (it’s what makes a family - a family, a team - a team, a friend group – a friend group). And comprise is the only solution if you’re at the latter end of the food chain (should you comply). The joy I experienced in the sticks was shallow, the society wasn’t no more accommodating, but I got through.

Another thing I do is reach out to those around me to form meaningful connections. This means being understanding and compassionate, actively listening to their stories and appreciating their perspectives. It’s about finding ways to support those around me and recognizing my role in my community. Taking the time to contribute in meaningful ways can be a rewarding experience, and it helps us to feel connected. Around the right people, it’s both appreciated and acknowledged. [It shouldn’t be no surprise that 95% of the meaningful connections I’ve made are far away from my rural vicinity. The further you go into the sticks, the closed off people tend to be, and it has been hard to mingle and socialise as a newcomer when everything about you screams “Different”. Some people really don’t like change. This is more so true to those who refuse to adapt. However, I believe one must adapt if we want to create a sense of belonging. It’s an ever-evolving process and requires resilience and courage. [The courage for me to cut off the ties of shallow relationships was a challenge, I was making a statement: “If I’m not accepted, I won’t longer try to be accepted”. All those times I sat in the open cafeteria, no-one coming over, I may as well been invisible. I couldn’t understand what made me so potent. Although it wasn’t encouraging, visibly on your own, it was freeing, really was. I was my own people; I didn’t need to conform by agreeing to rambunctious views or be favoured by ridiculing myself. I was just me, enjoying my own space, enjoying my own belonging.

I took a lessen from this:

While it can be easy to focus on the moments where we feel like we belong, it is also important to accept that we don’t always fit in. It’s okay to make mistakes and it is often through failure that we learn the most. Embrace the moments where you feel like you belong, but also be open to the growth that comes with trial and error. For me, I believe it’s important to check if your desired progress in growth is limited with the groups you mingle with and associate to. For me that was the case. In my own individual life, I prefer to prioritise my personal goals and values rather than grouped shared goals and values, whether they contradict a group I mingle with and associate to – what about you?

Finally, remember that we are all part of something bigger. We are capable of incredible things, and it is important to be aware of how our actions and words can influence those around us. Being aware of our own identity and conscious of our role in our communities and groups gives us the strength to form meaningful relationships. [Finding myself a purpose, has helped me tremendously. With a purpose, I can driven by it, tend to it and nurture it. It’s something to cling to, something that can stabilise me when I don’t know the next steps. For instance, picking up poetry; tending to it through collaborations with other poets and nurturing it through learning poetic techniques and reading book published, poetic works; this was a purpose I was driven by and continue to be.

No-one said finding your place in society was going to be a stroll in the park. It is an ongoing journey filled with moments of joy, heartache, and growth. And It is something that should be taken seriously, as it can have a powerful impact on our lives. Taking the time to understand ourselves and to reach out to those around us allows us to create a sense of belonging that is uniquely ours. We have to be open to learning and growing, to taking risks, and to exploring new possibilities. It’s about trial and error, discovering what works for us and what doesn’t, and learning to find contentment in the journey.